Nathalaligne, Rédaction & Interview

Dans ma bulle ?

bulle– « Tu te coupes du monde, tu vis dans une bulle ! Il est temps que tu en sortes ! Que tu prennes du temps, pour toi. »
– « Est-ce que je vis dans une bulle ? Est-ce que je me suis coupée des autres ? Est-ce qu’il est temps de faire quelque chose ? »

Cette réflexion me remue. Profondément.
Je revois ma vie comme un film, du moins les six dernières années…
Ma maman, de plus en plus perdue et, après deux années d’incertitude, le verdict en un seul mot : Alzheimer.


Le dire aux personnes qui m’entourent ?
Mon patron est compréhensif, je travaille deux années à mi-temps. Mais tout le monde ne l’est pas autant. Alors j’arrête de travailler. Au revoir vie professionnelle… Je reviendrai, mais j’ai plus important à faire. Maintenant. Je fais un choix : être à ses côtés.

Qui peut comprendre ?
Je trouve petit à petit des clés, grâce à des formations. Mais restent les soirs où je me sens seule, les soirs où je ne parle à personne… et à qui d’ailleurs ? Maman est là sans l’être. Sans les mots pour le dire en tout cas. J’en parle enfin… les personnes sont gênées ; elles ne savent pas quoi dire. Petit malaise. J’ai l’impression de faire de la peine. Ce n’est pas ce que je recherche. Je sens que ce n’est pas comme ça que je vais les retenir. Au revoir vie sociale… Je ne suis plus disponible pour les autres. Je ne sais plus être légère.

Les réseaux sociaux
Les réseaux sociaux me font connaître des personnes avec les mêmes préoccupations. Je me sens moins isolée. D’autres vivent ce que je vis. On se comprend sans se connaître. On partage nos joies, nos peines, nos projets, nos progrès. La distance n’empêche pas l’entraide ; Elle libère la parole anonyme. Ce que je leur confie ne les gêne pas, ne les affecte pas. Je peux être moi-même sans craindre de me couper de leur soutien.

Ma bulle
Alors oui, je suis dans ma bulle… Une bulle où une fille a choisi d’être présente et alterne complicité, fou rire, combat, douceur… Colère, tristesse, révolte, ras le bol ? Une bulle de patience, acquise par la force des choses. Une bulle où la présence et les gestes tendres remplacent les mots. Une bulle depuis laquelle je vois ce que j’ai perdu, ce que j’ai gagné. Une bulle qui m’a transformée. Ce n’est pas nous qui nous sommes coupées des autres, c’est le monde qui s’est coupé petit à petit de nous. A moins que… La bulle nous ait coupé les uns des autres. Sans que personne ne l’ait voulu.

Il est temps d’en sortir…

Témoignage d’aidant, rédigé par Nathalie Cuvelier, publié sur Aidant Attitude

Categories: Récit

Être présent, une forme de soins » « Prendre le large !

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